Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Everybody knows what our children really need

Open dialogue on children’s issues is essential. There can be no honest discussion of children’s emotional and physical well being without including truthful dialogue about men. It is also absolutely wrong for children to limit statements about men to a collective negative.
We all know what these negatives are, although the percentage of men who have rightfully earned condemnation is and will remain in great dispute. Pressing children’s issues gain great press, as not a day passes in which reports of extreme physical abuse, heinous neglect, sexual abuse, sexualization, or “trafficking” are not published somewhere, hence everywhere through Internet sharing.
It is exceedingly easy for both men and women to jump into discussions of how terrible these circumstances are, increasing the din that calls for more laws to protect children. Sadly, none of these discussions have significantly resulted in diminished abuse. It is my observation that laws enacted with intent to curtail child abuse have done exactly the opposite. Instead of fewer reports of severe child abuse, the number of abusers has increased phenomenally in recent decades. A proliferation of abusers employed by social services agencies within governments or in non-governmental organizations has come as a direct result of new laws that empower emotionally deficient men and women in “protective” roles. Many of these workers are themselves abusers. Many more pass children forward to foster parents who take children into their homes for money alone; many foster custodians will neglect, starve, beat, attack verbally, sexually molest, even kill boys or girls in their “care.”
This is ubiquitous common knowledge. This is what gets into news reports, and as Leonard Cohen sang, “Everybody knows …”
Everybody knows what goes on. Few, if any, have come forward to say, “This is where it begins . . .” However, I believe that persons who have sufficient power and influence to make a difference, who can help curtail the expansion of this phenomena choose willingly not to act. 
Everybody knows this heinous behavior has roots in the childhood of the abuser.
Everybody knows that abrupt separation of a child from a bonded parent is traumatic and leaves wounds for life.  
Everybody knows that babies who are not held are stunted in many ways, physically, emotionally and mentally.
Everybody knows that healthy children thrive through contact with male and female parents, and withdraw when deprived of emotional nourishment.   
Everybody knows that biological mothers and biological fathers are uniquely and naturally magnetic to their children.   
Everybody knows that a child must be given very compelling reasons to reject the biological parent before fully accepting stepfathers and stepmothers emotionally.    
Everybody knows that a growing number of mothers set out to diminish biological fathers in minds and hearts of their children, whether that is by truth or lie, and far more often it is by lie.  
Everybody knows that diminishment by lie has become the norm; it is not an exception.     
Everybody knows that numerous studies reach this same conclusion: that children need both father and mother actively present in their lives.    
Everybody knows that feminism strongly resists accepting this truth, and that feminism also rejects similar research conclusions that assert single maternal parentage has disastrous social and economic consequences.      
Everybody knows that money does not buy emotional health, and that the root of social problems of crime, drug abuse, addiction, suicidal thoughts, a loss of a will to live, bullying and violent behavior, and much more, are emotionally based.    
Everybody knows that a system that emphasizes only material needs of children while ignoring emotional needs is predictably going to generate a high percentage of sociopaths within a generation.
Everybody knows that sexual education without complimentary education in minimums of wholesome parenting will result in large numbers of disadvantaged children who ultimately risk being vacuumed into the foster care debacle.
Everybody knows the present system places children into the worst possible circumstances for their short and long-term health and well-being by “tearing them from the nest.”     
The solution is not going to be a quick-fix tune up enacted through government agencies. It requires open discussion of positive roles that men serve in the needs and lives of their children. It requires honesty. It requires trust that men can and will step forward and reclaim fatherhood. It requires that mothers allow fathers to be fathers for and with their children.
We do not view this as an assertion of “men’s rights.” Rather, we know we are advocating for reclamation of fatherhood, and indirectly, manhood, because the needs of our children demand this of us. Women cannot be fathers. Men must be fathers for and with their children, our children.